What is Squirrel Pie

Rainy River, Ontario, Canada
Squirrel Pie authoured by Jack Elliott began as a weekly humour column in the Fort Frances Times in late 1993. It ran on a semi-regular basis until 2000. The subject matter is nutty, featuring a list of real and fictional characters and places. Jack's long suffering wife Norma, The Pearl of the Orient, has her hands full keeping Elliott afloat, let alone on an even keel. Join us for some good-hearted humour as new tales from the Squirrel Meister see light of day! Need to contact me: elliottjhn@gmail.com

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The lost art of conversation

After a half day of snow and ice covered roads south of Chicago, the green and lack of white as we entered Alabama was to say the least, a welcome change. I was really beginning to mellow out as we rolled into the rest centre along the interstate.
I hustled into the restroom and had just settled onto the seat of the stall to commence an important operation when a southern voice inquired from the adjoining stall, "How y'all doin?"
Normally I don't carry on conversations of this nature. In fact the whole art of conversing while in the john seems to have disappeared along with the three-holer outhouse. But I thought this obviously friendly southern soul deserved a response, besides I was still elated to be out of the snow for a few months.
"Fine, How about you?" I shot back, wondering mildly how far this southern hospitality went.
"Great! What y'all up to," came the friendly reply.- quaint and to the point.
Again I was reluctant to reply, but didn't know how to properly break off the conversation at this point, so replied back hesitantly, "Travellin', same as you.”
"How's about I come on over there?" was the neighbouring response.
I freaked out. Who was this? The FBI running a sting operation or one of the stars of the movie Deliverance, on his way over to make me "squeal like a pig!”
"Not now, I'm kinda busy," I managed to stammer, desperately trying to speed things up and make my escape.
The reply from the other side of the barrier brought things into focus. "Listen Bud, I gotta call y'all back. The idiot in the next stall keeps answering all my questions."
What now? Hide in the stall until my neighbour departed or make a quick break for it right now. Who said I can’t move fast? Besides, the next rest stop is just another 40 miles south!